1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.

2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management

5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

7: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queueing system.

You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8: Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message. I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.

9: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

10: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.

11: I've run away to join a different circus.

AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE :

12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'.

[Quelle unbekannt]